Cindyisms

Doctor says there is liquid on the knee and it needs to be tapped.  Going to see specialist on Thursday to see if he agrees and get this sucker taken care of.  Then of course back to work and the need to lose weight just increased again.  I tried to bargain with God today.  I said God if i don"t have to have surgery i will bust my butt to get this weight off.  I know a prayer should just be a prayer so i switched to God please help.  I don’t think I could handle surgery right now.  And help me to lose the weight so this doesn’t happen again.  I know the old saying God doesn’t give us more then we can handle.  I hope God is just trying to give me a wake up call.

Another what?  Another fucking knee!!!  One that doesn’t make me want to scream when I stand up.  One that feels as good bent as it does straight.  One that isn’t swollen and pissing me off.  Thanks.  I think I will sleep and I expect delivery in the morning!!!! 

When I go up to my folks house my Daddy and I have something of a ritual that we do when I leave.  Because I have not had a horn on my truck in years I can’t honk as I leave so I yell out the window “Beep, Beep.”  My Daddy and sometimes my Momma “beep, beep” back or honk the horn of their truck.  It is like the final I love you and take care.  What I wish I was doing today was spending the day with my folks and getting to say my Father’s Day beep, beep in person.  But I have to work and since I am new to the home I am not going to start asking for time off yet.  So to my Daddy I say Happy Father’s Day and beep, beep.  Sorry I missed you yesterday!  Love ya!

And to all the father I know and love Happy Father’s Day.  And to those I lost you are remembered today!!

feeling blessed.  Why?  Another day at work where I came home RELAXED, laughing with only sore ankles and feet.  No upset stomach, no killer headache and no tightness in my chest.  Tonight I did a med appointment, dishes and watched one of my girls play softball.  She managed a run!!  I was so happy for her.  I met her family and the juries still out on how that went.  I think I did fine, but guardians sometimes don’t like me. 
So now I am going to chill until the pain pill starts to work and then I am going to sleep.  Night all!  Hope You all are well.

Hey how about a couple pictures of my children?

Here are Kiya (the one on the left) and Baby (on the right).  If you look closely you can see the are touching paws!

This is Cali sitting in the bay window with a dalmatian that my mom painted for my husband.

This is my youngest Meeya on the computer desk.  She likes to be in the middle of everything!!

As you can see they are doing well and I feel blessed!!

Yesterday was my last official day as Wealthy staff.  I was technically supposed to only work the midnight shift but another new staff was starting and I wanted to give her some training basics about Wealthy and my guys.  So I worked and used vacation time for the pay.  Hard to explain why, so lets just move on.  So I went into my savings and took my guys and their new staff out for dinner at Pizza Hut and I spoiled them rotten.  One wanted BBQ wings and one wanted lasagna . Plus bread sticks and diet pop.  Even a piece of our pizza.
Wealthy is in for a bit of a rough ride.  Not just because I am leaving, but because Big Poppa has transferred too.  With one or the other of us staying to keep afternoons stable it would have been easier.  But the cards didn’t play that way.  I wish all new employees and all the old timers the best of luck and all my love.  Because I can’t show you pictures of my guys because of rights I did take a picture of one household member I will be leaving behind who I will miss and I know will miss me.

This is Miss Casey she moved in with one resident about four years ago and when he moved out she stayed.  She is a love, but she started out scared and hiding.  But we bonded over kitty litter and flea treatments.  Got to the point if I didn’t give her enough attention she would jump on the table, lay on my papers and toss my pen on the floor.  She wanted pets and love and she wanted them now.  I am not concerned about leaving her because she is friendlier and most the the people at work love her.  And the boss promised me if she ever had to leave Wealthy she would call me so I can take her.  I wish her many happy years at Wealthy, tons of love and of course I will be back to visit her too!

So this afternoon I asked if it would be okay for me to go in and observe at the new home off the clock.  Just watch what the afternoon staff does, how the consumers react and what not before I officially start tomorrow.  I like to get a feel first and allow them to feel me out some too.  Well since I worked a double and got off work at 7am this morning I am going to say c-ya later and good night!

A couple people been asking me where have I been?  Well in truth Working.  Can’t go into details but I can say this Troy Beaumont is getting to be a bigger and bigger place.  I can’t give details, but I can show some pictures.

This is the emergency enterance at Troy Beaumont.

Then here is the hallway where I sat, paced and tried to keep myself awake for four plus hours.

And this is how I looked when I was finally able to leave the hospital around 3:00am.  Don’t I look pretty?

And then I didn’t go home I went back to work to do only some of the necessary paper work.  Dragging my ass out of there at 4am.  Granted it is my last week and so that is just how it goes in my life.  Not an easy fade out.  Hell no.  Countless phone calls, text messages and paper work coming out of my asshole!  But the good news is all is well for now with the stuff I can’t talk about!

Today the plan was to turn in my written request to the main office, but I woke up late and I told my boss I would come in early.  So it will have to wait until Monday.  I found out Big Poppa will be returning to the home to work which is good news for my guys.  They love him so much. 
The guys I work with keep saying to me, you’ll change your mind.  Don’t talk about stuff I need to know before you leave.  Denial is a loving thing.  There is so much to do and so much that I keep have to pushing back and pushing back because there just aren’t enough hours in a work day
I came home, had a sandwich and I think I am ready for bed.  Been a long day.  Night all.

After almost seven years in my current group home position I asked for a transfer yesterday.  I went back and forth.  I cried and prayed some.  But at the end of the day my gut tells me it is a move I needed to make.  Now if all the powers that be are in agreement about mid June I will be leaving my long term work family to start again.
There are a number of reasons for the change.  The biggest one is at the new home I will be the one starting fresh.  Not the one to once again try to settle new people into the homes routine.  To build trust enough with those new people to leave them with our consumers and not want to call at 4am to check.  I will be the one to settle in.  To have to prove myself worthy to be trusted with the consumers. 
In our profession you can’t work with people, especially in a small house like ours and not get attached.  You can’t not feel something when once again you are the person left behind to sort it out.  To rebuild the community.  When Mr. Blue Eyes left us a little over 2 years ago I was heart broken.  Then a little over a year ago Don Juan and now Big Poppa.  Each of those people were a huge piece of our puzzle and each time the stress and strain was vast.
In my life right now it is about simplifying.  So that I can find Cindy. The Cindy who got so wrapped up in marriage and work, that I forgot I love to write.  Watch movies and eat popcorn.  Hasn’t really spent more then probably a day’s worth of time out in my own yard since I got here.  It’s going back to school so one day I can retire. 
Right now I kind of hate myself for leaving.  I am leaving two of the most kindest and wonderful men to be cared for by others.  That just SUCKS, but I go with my gut and my gut says this is the right thing for me.

Tomorrow is payday and to be honest I am chomping at the bit!  This is my fridge and I keep hoping it developed magical powers while I was working and I would open it up and there would be milk, butter and stuff in there.

But every time I have opened it up for the last week it has looked like this….

So tomorrow it is shopping day.  Before I pay bills and before anything else I will be heading to Aldi for the essentials and maybe something special or two.  Today since it is pretty empty I am going scrub the hell out of it!  Amazing the things that provide me joy!