What to say? What to say? I guess I should tell you up front in case my post gets a little nutty that I am dealing with a lot of changes right now. I know join the club. Well I am and I am doing okay with it. I freak out every couple of days and then I pull my shit back together. It used to be I would eat my way through my freak outs, but that friends is no longer an option. Neither is booze or weed so I am doing it the healthy way. Resting, thinking and writing.
When I tell people I am prepping for surgery some respond with they are thrilled for me. Others like really?? And some with concern. None of these things are wrong, but after the 10th or 11th time of dealing with it, it gets a little old. Granted that is on me for wanting to be open and honest about what I am doing and I do respect people’s opinions, but it is my journey to make.
So I have lost 30 pounds and it is a victory. I put jeans on that were to tight today. I can breathe and sit in them and that is a thrill. That is how I am going to look at this. Small victories and not get overwhelmed with the big goal. My next goal may seem strange to thin people but the next victory is doing up my seat belt in my car. Right now I click the belt and pull the shoulder strap over my head, but I want to do it the regular way.
Really when I think about it most of my goals are about being able to do things the “regular way” without preplanning and worrying. Things like are the seats going to big enough? Will I be able to make the hike without my knee going out? If I fall on the ice how will I get back up? All these things will become little victories along the way instead of worries.
Am I scared? A little. Of the surgery? No. Of failure. Is that going to stop me? No, but I will still occasionally freak the fuck out I can tell you that. But I have an amazing support system to talk me off the proverbial ledge. Can’t ask for more than that.
Have I told you all lately that I am blessed? If I haven’t then I am such a huge asshole. The last couple of weeks have been crazy, but with that some very cool things have happened.
My Pure Romance Halloween Launch party was on the 7th. It was awesome. Fourteen beautiful women came to hang out, eat and shop. We also raised money for Autism Awareness. Everybody who came said they had a ball and loved the food.
I must take a few minutes to say a couple of thank yous to some remarkable people. My boss Amanda who went out of her way to help us hang curtains and change light bulbs. To Chris Murphy who helped hang photos and art. Put up decorations we couldn’t, hauled away a lot of junk and even made sure the lawn was cut. Thank you so much.
There are not words to say how thankful I am to my Mom. I was going to have people over, serve them a sub from Subway and see what happens. She worked to help me clean, decorated and provided food that my friends are still talking about. She allowed me to bounce different ideas off her and gave me her opinions on things. She charmed the shit out of my friends. Most of all she was there for me. When I was tired, cranky, bitchy or just feeling stressed the fuck out. My Mom is a hell of a best friend. Thank you Mom. I felt so adult and cool in our decorated and clean house. Love you.
My other blessing is my weight loss surgery has been scheduled for November 29th. That is basically four months after I started the process. I am so lucky that it is going so smoothly. Two weeks before I begin a liquid diet and then that Tuesday morning I will be going in for a sleeve. I am still in shock I think. But I am taking it one day at a time. If you pray I ask for you to pray that I don’t wig out. If you don’t pray send good thoughts my way. I am doing this, it is the right choice, but it is still scary.
Well my friends time for me to get busy doing work things. Take Care all and I will try to visit again soon.
Life is usually a bit of a race. Right now I am trying to cram a lot in and it is a bit overwhelming. I am lucky enough to have a great support system, but it is still rough.
The weight loss journey is progressing, at a nice pace. My appointment to see the surgeon was cancelled due to him being stuck in surgery. I certainly can’t be upset with that. After all if it were me I would hope for the same. So it has been rescheduled for October 11th. Which makes it after the party and the Seminar for my PR (Pure Romance)business.
The planning for the upcoming appears to be complete, but Momma will look at me and say, “I was thinking…” and maybe something will change. I have no idea exactly how many guests are coming I have a lot of maybes. Which makes me nervous. What if there isn’t enough seating, goodie bags or food? Fucking “what if’s” I hate them.
As for my regular job I am finding myself still doing the best job when I am there, but the bullshit politics and double standard are making it easier and easier to leave when the time comes.
Been thinking about my brothers a lot this week. With the holidays coming up I would really love to continue the tradition of spending Christmas Eve together. I am not sure where to hold said gathering. Our houses are all a little small so maybe renting a party room for the afternoon at a restaurant might be an option. If we decide to do that we will have to reserve earlier enough in the season. It is something to discuss.
Well it is time to go pack my lunch and get ready to go to work. Stay warm and dry on the rainy day!
Hi there. Well it has been over a month since I last posted. I got no excuses I just suck. There has been a lot of stuff going on and I am excited to tell you about the process.
First of all let me tell you that Hummus isn’t all that bad. Put some cut up olives on it and spread it on celery or cucumbers and it is pretty tasty. I have also found a fondness for egg beaters. Who even knew that was possible.
At this juncture I have lost about 20lbs. Which isn’t a lot but it is a good start. I kept all my appointments and have been doing all the things that they have asked of me. Hell I fell off the waggon, but I managed to climb back on. My blood pressure is great and the weight loss doctor thinks I will be able to come off my blood pressure meds next month.
I received clearance from all the specialists and doctors so I was able to schedule my presurgical consult with the surgeon. That will be next Tuesday. I am excited and at the same time a tad bit scared. He may not feel that I am ready yet. Or he may feel that I am. Both are equally scary. I have been the fat chick my entire life. Hidden behind my protective layers of fat. To lose that is going to be hard. To find out who I am with a regular size ass is scary.
So if all goes well we will set a surgery date. I just would like to do it sooner then later. Before the snow falls. Because being stitched up and dealing with snow and ice sure doesn’t sound fun.
So wish me good luck my friends. I am trying hard not to freak the fuck out. Baby steps, more baby steps.
I must confess I haven’t been much of a menu planner or shopper. Actually let’s amend that and add never much of a menu planner and shopper for myself. For the group home I did it all the time.
But when I started this journey I knew a lot of things would have to change. So I just planned out the menu and shopping list for the next three days.
You might want to not believe this, but I am not a person to try new things. But I am making a Mediterranean meal that uses Hummus for lunch one day. I figured what the hell let’s try it. I will let yoi know what Momma and I think of it.
As long as I live I will never like shopping. I hate it. Making decisions and checking labels is a pain in the ass. But I can’t deny after paying more attention to what I eat I feel better. AND the added bonus of all the extra steps I take trying to find this stuff. Every step counts.
So I am feeling pretty damn proud of myself and my Momma. We are putting in the work and seeing results. Can’t ask for more then that. Well maybe a personal shopper and a chef. Lol yeah sure. Take Care Friends
I think I may have touched on it, but not in much detail. I am making the biggest change of my life and gaining control of my health, more specifically my weight. Just a few days before I turned 44 I decided to attend a weight loss seminar at Beaumont. I had done this once before and decided I wasn’t ready. This time I went for the weight loss program and the bariatric seminar. I came home weighed my options and said fuck this let’s do this.
I made my appointment for my evaluations and I just had them a week ago. I was considering the sleeve, but after talking to the doctor we decided on the bypass. I just have so much weight to lose it’s the better option. They did blood work and measurements. I got weighed and when the scale said 480 I nearly shit my pants. 20 pounds less then 500, that was an eye opener.
Then I met with the dietitian. She gave me a 1,200 to 1,600 calorie diet (guideline) with menu ideas and other information. Now I used to just drink that amount in Pepsi so I was concerned about that. But as it turns out that is A LOT of food when you are eating healthy. More then I am used to so it is a bit of a struggle. But I started on Saturday the 13th and the clock just chimed that today is the 18th and I am on track and no Pepsi has flown over my lips.
I also met which the Psychologist who feels I have some self esteem issues I need to work on as well as not being a caregiver for everybody in the free world. Baby steps on that too.
And the I met with the exercise specialist. I am going to begin with just walking. Increasing the walking by 10% each week. Because I weigh so much that in itself is a lot to ask this body to handle right now. But as the weight drops the exercise program will evolve.
On this journey I am using the My Fitness Pal app to log my meals, calories and water. I am using a FitBit to keep track of my sleep (or lack of) and my steps per day. Hopefully these tools will keep me on track.
Oh and I can”t forget about using this blog too as a tool to handle the emotional shit that comes up. I will be on a whole more frequently now. I want to document the journey for others that are thinking about it and for myself. So I can remind myself why in the hell I am doing this in the first place.
Well it is bedtime now. With out the Pepsi sleep is a big deal. Need way more then I used to. Goodnight friends.
I told myself when I finally began this weight loss journey I would document it through my blog. So here it goes. Early morning of day four and it fucking sucks.
My schedule is all messed up. I am having problems getting all the meals in and I really want to sleep. I mean ALL the time.
I haven’t cheated nor do I even want to but the lack of energy is killing me. Momma and I went to the store and by the time we were done I just felt like crying. What the fuck is that about?
I know it will get better every single day but the start is rough.
Hellooo Dear Friends. I am sorry I haven’t been on to visit for a long time. I have no excuses other then my big ass wants to sleep when I am not working.
With that being said it does give me a ton of shit to catch you up on. There have been a number of changes in my life and every single one has been for the good. The biggest change was that my Momma has sold her house and she and her crew have come to live with us. When I tell people that they wrinkle their noses and ask, “How is that going?” My response is what shocks them. We are all doing good and I am not alone all the time anymore.
Is it an adjustment? Of course it is. Two grown women in the same house with three cats, two birds and a dog. Throw DJG into the mix when he is home and it’s a lot going on. But let me tell you what it means to me.
First and foremost I know that my Momma is not alone. I work a lot so having her here eases my mind about her safety of being alone when I couldn’t get up to her house. My pets have some company during the long hours that I am gone. Grandma is always good for some head scratches and butt pats. My flowers that I dearly love and buy every year aren’t dying from my neglect. They are big and full and beautiful. I smile every time I walk down my walkway. Speaking of smiles Momma brought along her bird feeders and first thing in the morning when I get home from work, my front yard looks like Hitchcock’s The Birds. Lol. This morning the little fat squirrels are out there too. Playing in the yard and eating the falling seeds. These are the pleasures that I wouldn’t have in my life without her here.
Also the junk mail isn’t stacking because when it starts to I get the “Momma look”. So I try to go through it when it comes in. Now I have to work on my filing systems which I currently suck at. We are also working on shredding the old papers. I stalled a bit, I’m not going to lie. I find myself just physically exhausted most days. But that is my fault. Between the size of my ass and the hours I work I wear myself a little thin.
Well my friends that is all I got time for today. I have a couple e-mail to answer and then I am off to bed for my four hours of sleep. Take care and hugs all around.
Today started out rough. Basically we (my coworkers and I)were told in a note that we are horrible staff that don’t clean or take responsibility for things around the group home. That we are costing the company money. I had to leave from that mess to drive to Auburn Hills and in thirty minutes make it to Milford. I made it in fifty and I am good with that. Cement trucks move slow and I am not having a stroke about it being in front of me. We just called and said we are running a bit late.
Here is where my mind is today… I have seven months and twenty-seven days left at my present job. For the past twelve years I have worked very hard to earn a reputation as a fair, consistent and caring staff. I hope to carry that through until the end. Those that work with me will see that, but those that do not appear to be forgetting that about me even though I have shown it time and time again in the past. This bothers me and even though I shouldn’t let it, it does.
Today with the note my problem is that someone got to cuss me out and I was not allowed in any way or shape to defend myself or my staff. That bothers me. It is a bit of a pussy move to be honest. Call a meeting, say it to our faces, listen to our responses not write and run.
So how do I handle this situation? I work the next seven months and 27 days in the same manner I have for the last twelve years. My anger would change nothing, my whining would change nothing and the truth is nothing I say or do will change things which is the reason for me leaving in the first place.
Well it’s getting late and my bed is calling my name. Good night friends, sleep well.
And I am excited about it. I have my dinosaur (that is what I lovingly call my laptop)up and running. I one day I will have to look into a new one, but for now it’s my buddy.
It is a beautiful day outside and in about an hour or so I will be heading into to work. I love working afternoons because I get a feel for what the weather is going to be before I ever leave the house.
I just sat down for a little lunch. Not something that I am used to doing. But I hope that it is something that I can get in the habit of.
Well I think it’s time to go take care of my pests. Have a great Thursday!