I wish I had something exciting to share with you this evening, but I don’t.  I spent the day sleeping, then I had class and now I’m doing some more laundry and cleaning.  I accidentally killed my paper shredder.  I think it just pooped out.  So I might have to buy a new one. 
Other then that life is pretty boring.  How about you?

Is it over yet?  I mean the weekend and the first rush to get the goodies.  Even my husband and I got out on friday and got a couple of great deals.  It’s the first year we did that.  Thanksgiving was good and work is good so far.  My husband got a lot of stuff done around the house and the old stove is out at the curb.  So looks like my Christmas cookies might come out great this year!

Okay at Ma’s house for Thanksgiving and I brought up my hats.  So here they are!

Okay if you have a problem with reading about body gas stop reading now.

As you all know I’m thirty-two years old and for the most part I think I’m pretty mature most of the time.  Then there are days like yesterday when I accidentally farted on my own hand while wiping my butt.  I start laughing my ass off like I was a little kid.  I think it was a combination of shock and realizing I had never done that before. 
I’m not stranger to gas at all, but that was a new experience and one I hope that I don’t repeat anytime soon.  So as I came out of the bathroom (yes I washed my hands) I had tears running down my face and I was still busting up,  Don Juan threatened me with bodily harm unless I told him what was so funny and he too turned into a twelve year old.  Oh how sad are we!

The weekend was long, but the stress was way down.  I had all that needed to be done for the day by noon and all that was left was making sure that the residents got fed, medicated and clean.  My youngest resident, the pacer, gave me a taste of the normal days when he took his chicken stir fry that I cooked for dinner and threw it in the trash because he even though I put the hot sauce (his thing I guess) in his food I mixed it in and because he couldn’t see it on top.  Oh that pissed me off.  I don’t like to cook, but Don Juan was suffering from a back ache that made his face turn bright red everytime he moved so I cooked. 
Today my husband goes to see the vascular specialist about his legs.  I thought the appointment was at 10:30 nope it’s at 2:30 so were both awake waiting to go.
Other then that my plan it to vacuum the floors, more laundry and to go catch up on everybodies blogs from the weekend.  That’s about two hours worth of reading.

I know that the last couple of days have been a bit of a bummer and I’m sorry for that.  I did try to do the normal life stuff as much as possible.  I talked with that trainer.  That is not going to work.  The biggest thing is he was not able to look me in the eye when he said he thought the gym could help me.  If he doesn’t believe it he is not the right person to help.  But the guys at work said if I bring in my weights they will show me some lifts that I don’t know already. 
Today after I got home from work.  I cleaned all the dishes that never got touched the last time I said I was going to do them.  I also wiped down the stove, who knew it was icky yellow in color.  I also wiped out the microwave because something got spilled and we were just too lazy to clean it up.  I went back to check on my old man to make sure he was breathing.  He was sleeping when I left this morning, slept through the alarm that I set and is still sleeping.  He didn’t have to work today, but I was hoping he would go in because he has a vacation in two days and we can use the money.  But working sixty hours Monday thru Friday is a lot to handle, so I understand.
Thinking about picking up some midnight shifts between Christmas and New Years to make up for the days I’m going to have off.  I hate midnights, but now that Sheldon has passed it will be a lot easier.
I bought the eggs, mustard and Mircle Whip for deviled eggs on Thanksgiving.  Going to call Mom and see if we should bring up some pop and stuff.
Tomorrow is a sixteen hour day at work and if my hands and arms don’t cramp up I should be able to get at least three hats done. 
I want to get a table top prelit tree.  Since we don’t have kids and the pests like to play with the large tree and knock it over I don’t see a big reason to mess with it. 
I’m also going over to Home Depot to buy roof sealer (a must with old trailers) and plastic for the windows and if I have any money left over new furance filters too.  I have to make this place more effiecient before I go broke just from the gas bills.  But you all know what I’m talking about.  So what’s up with you?  Share I don’t care how boring you think it is.  I could use the distractions!

The last two days at work have been weird. Things like dinner from start to finish taken a half an hour for the guys to eat and me having the kitchen clean ten minutes after that.  Usually I gave Sheldon all the time in the world to eat if he was feeding himself and forty-five minutes longer then it took the other residents if I was feeding him because it was so hard for him to swallow.  That and sitting there watching TV after the guys went to sleep I found myself muting the TV several times to listen for him.  A cough, a growl or something.  Then I would remember and shake my head.  With just the two residents my biggest struggle today was making sure to remind them that washing their hands after using the restroom isn’t optional.  I don’t have the stress right now, but I still shed a couple little tears here and there.

It’s been a rough couple of days for me.  I took Sheldon’s death harder then I thought I would, but I also have some built up anger.  If the family traditions were so important why didn’t the family allow Sheldon to be buried on Thursday instead of waiting?  Not only did he not get buried by sunset the day after, but many people who loved Sheldon took off work on Thursday and couldn’t take off a second day so they couldn’t attend.  Why after Sheldon’s sister died did these same family member not try to contact him?  I could see how it would be difficult if his sister was standing in the way, but she passed on last February they could have gotten in touch.  As I was standing by the grave site I looked down and saw Sheldon’s sister’s name.  The inscription said loving wife and mother.  Sheldon’s sister was never married and she didn’t have any kids so why in the hell didn’t somebody catch that error and fix it?  Listen I didn’t like the lady and I thought she was nuts, but damn get it right.  At least out of respect for the family.
My other concern is more selfish and it’s a concern for my job.  I’m playing the what if game.  What if we don’t get a new resident soon?  Will they be cutting our hours?  My ass was the last one hired so you know that means I’m the first fired.  Would they do it right before Christmas?  I don’t plan on staying at this job forever, but I’m not ready to go yet.  So I’m saying a little prayer.  Everybody else seems to be pretty confident that were all safe, so I’m trying to be too.
Okay that helped a bit sometimes putting the anger and fears out there make them easier to deal with.  I’m off to bed now.  I feel like I could sleep a week.

Today at Sheldon’s funeral (yes I know I said his name and technically that is a no-no in our profession, but I hate saying resident) he had roughly six members of his family and about fifteen or more from work. 
The Rabbi said some prayers, talked a little about Sheldon.  My boss read a poem that she wrote and we were all asked if we wanted to say a few words.  Nobody did, not because we didn’t have anything to say, but how do you tell people that are practically strangers to Sheldon our silly stories and have them see the beauty that we see? 
One of the Jewish traditions is for all that wish to do so to grab the shovel out of the pile of dirt, scoop up the dirt and put in on the casket.  Then the person puts the shovel back into the dirt pile and the next person pulls it out.  It reminded me of the Sword and the Stone in some ways.  I know I’m doing a horrible job describing this, but it’s like saying a final goodbye and letting Sheldon know it’s okay to cross over in some ways.
The family members went first and then we sat there waiting for either one of the big bosses or just my boss to go forward and grab a shovel.  When I saw that no one was moving I handed over the picture I was holding and started to make my way to the pile.  No way in hell was I going to leave there and not have someone represent our little family.  So I work my way past Sheldon’s cousin and as I’m pulling the shovel out of the dirt I look across the grave and see Mr Blue Eyes on the other side with the other shovel in hand.  He shared the same thoughts as I did.  And as I watched the dirt pour from his shovel I said to myself of all the people here this is truely a man of great strength and character.  I put three scoops in the grave.  One for myself, and one for each of the other two residents in case they didn’t get a chance.
I didn’t say it to Mr. Blue Eyes, but I thought it at the time, for a man so young he showed more class, respect and love then any other man out there.  If he has this much compassion and character now at twenty-four imagine what kind of a man he will be by the time he hits thirty and beyond.  He had a few tears on his cheeck and I believe even more flowed that evening at work when thinking about how empty the house seemed with Sheldon gone.  That too shows the character of a man in my eyes.  I kind of look at this man as a little brother and when I saw him standing across from me I felt great pride.  I hope long after we have both moved on to new jobs and new lives we keep in touch because I know this is a man to expect great things from and I want to be around to see it.

At least that’s what I have been trying to tell myself for the last year.  Don’t take it personal, you’re not attatched, and when I leave work for the day I don’t have to think about it for the rest of the night.
I didn’t work out that way folks.  Like when I was teaching it didn’t matter how hard I tried I still cared more then what I let on.  On Wednesday afternoon my resident who had been sick for a while passed away in his bed.  My co-worker and manager found him and tried CPR until the paramedics got there.  My manager said it wouldn’t have made a difference if someone had been beside him holding his hand he still would have gone.  He died from complications of his many illnesses and age.
When Mr. Blue Eyes called me I was just sick, I mean we all thought that we were going to lose him this winter, but not this soon.  I had to call Don Juan and tell him the news.  I had only been with our residents a little more then a year, but Don has been with him for four years and I could hear the tears in his voice.
I didn’t cry that night, but I was a real bitch to be around.  My resident was Jewish so we thought the funeral would have been Thursday and we didn’t know it would be today until we had gathered together Thursday morning.  Seems that this resident had family and even though his guardian was from MORC his family decided to take an interest in him after his death.  Too bad it didn’t happen before he died.
I’m both feeling sad and at the same time glad that his suffering is over.  Mr Blue Eyes said something like, He could drive you up a wall, take knocks that even we couldn’t handle, he was a tough old bird especially after all that he said been through.
The other residents are doing well.  The one understands better then the other.  The staff for the most part is doing well.  I was the big cry baby today and I’ll probably be the big cry baby tomorrow.
Strawberry jam sandwhiches, a big chocolate shake, dinner at big boy and going to the auto show.  Winning at checkers whether he cheated or not, a birthday on Halloween, a shared love of a black cat. It wasn’t just a job, not for me or for any of us.  Soon his things will be packed up and another person will take over his room, but he will never be forgotten by any of us that cared for him.  Rest In Peace Old Man.