After almost seven years in my current group home position I asked for a transfer yesterday.  I went back and forth.  I cried and prayed some.  But at the end of the day my gut tells me it is a move I needed to make.  Now if all the powers that be are in agreement about mid June I will be leaving my long term work family to start again.
There are a number of reasons for the change.  The biggest one is at the new home I will be the one starting fresh.  Not the one to once again try to settle new people into the homes routine.  To build trust enough with those new people to leave them with our consumers and not want to call at 4am to check.  I will be the one to settle in.  To have to prove myself worthy to be trusted with the consumers. 
In our profession you can’t work with people, especially in a small house like ours and not get attached.  You can’t not feel something when once again you are the person left behind to sort it out.  To rebuild the community.  When Mr. Blue Eyes left us a little over 2 years ago I was heart broken.  Then a little over a year ago Don Juan and now Big Poppa.  Each of those people were a huge piece of our puzzle and each time the stress and strain was vast.
In my life right now it is about simplifying.  So that I can find Cindy. The Cindy who got so wrapped up in marriage and work, that I forgot I love to write.  Watch movies and eat popcorn.  Hasn’t really spent more then probably a day’s worth of time out in my own yard since I got here.  It’s going back to school so one day I can retire. 
Right now I kind of hate myself for leaving.  I am leaving two of the most kindest and wonderful men to be cared for by others.  That just SUCKS, but I go with my gut and my gut says this is the right thing for me.