Cindyisms

One day I’ll set a day just to do Q & A.  For right now it works as good filler for days when the most excitement I’ve had was driving 95 miles an hour down I-75 because I was late for court.

Q) What books are you reading right now?  What CD is currently in your CD player? What color are your eyes?

A) Right now I’m reading “Understanding Male Sexuality.”  I don’t want to say you’ll all laugh at my CD choice.  Okay one of those nature CD’s with waterfall and birds and shit.  It suppose to be calming, but it pretty much makes me have to pee.  My eyes are greyish blue.

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As you know Saturday was my husband’s birthday and being the big bitch that I am I forgot to get a card.  I’m going to go to hell for this stuff.

  We did make it to the Magic tournament and I must admitt that I had fun.  I mean I was one of six people over the age eighteen and the only one with breasts, but still it was cool.  All of the guys I played were young and not one of them ever looked like they had seen a boob up close and personal before.  But the two guys that were running it were very nice to me.  They stopped a couple of times to see if I was enjoying myself.  A big thanks to them for having me and for allowing me to bow out of the picture taking process!  I think it is so cool that they set this up and it’s great for kids of ALL ages!

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Planning on getting drunk, shaving the cats, buying a yatch and of course fucking my maid Carlos.  Or in this reality I could be waking up my husband who is on the last day of his four day birthday weekend and going to do the shopping.  Then trying to find where the fuck I left my fucking cell phone.  And then the cherry on top start cleaning the house.

  My ideal Monday would be to grab my sun glasses, jump in the truck, turn on the radio and drive north.  The leaves are beautiful and I know where there is this beautiful stream where I could kick back and just be.  When the sun hits the water and reflects out onto the little bridge it’s stunning to see.  I’m not a big nature lover or anything, but when I die it’s a toss up between being sprinkled there or down I-75 while somone is driving very fast with the Moody Blues are singing Knights In White Satin.

  But for right now I think I’m going to crawl back in bed and see if I can get some sleep.

A Happy Birthday Wish goes out to my husband who turns 32 today.  Hope it’s a great birthday!

And not just from women I meet.  A friend of mine called she is depressed.  She used to feel sexy and beautiful, but now all she feels is self-conscious and ugly.  I wanted to say something wise and wonderful,but what I ended up saying was, “Well fuck, welcome to the club.”  I really wanted the ground to swallow me up after that, then I thought about it.  It’s true, so that’s why I said it.  Almost all people feel this way.  I get this way myself and I’m a flasher from way back when.  But now a days the body is fatter, older and things hang a bit lower, and that fucking mirror doesn’t hand out compliments.
  Last time I removed an artcle of clothing in front of someone I wouldn’t remove it all the way. That’s not usually like me, but the day before I’d work eight hours carrying and hauling firewood so I had bruises everywhere.  On my right boob where one piece bit me (okay it actually pinched me but it felt like it had teeth) I have a ugly big deep blue bruise.  On both of my shoulders I have some where I tried to hold up a falling pile of wood (guess how that went).  That shit gets to you and if you combine it with all the other crap you go through in day, it adds up.

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I need to write up a disclaimer and save it so I don’t have to write this all the time.  I’m a fat chick with no medical or educational training in sexual behavior whats so ever.  I give my opinions and you decide whether the advice sucks or not.

Q) My new boyfriend and I were having sex and all of a sudden this noise came from in between us that sounded like a fart.  I don’t know what it was, but I was so afraid he thought it might be me that I couldn’t get into it.  Any ideas what is was? Christy

A) Sound to me like a pussy fart.  It has a technical name but I can’t remember it.  It’s when air goes inside and is pressed out when his penis pumps in.  In short an air pressure fart.  Pretty common in relationships, but few will admit it.  Happens more frequently in the beginning when getting used to one another.  Nothing to worry about.  Don’t worry about him thinking it was you, trust me new sex with new partner a marching band could go walking through and he probably wouldn’t give a shit.  Sorry it ruined it for you just keep in mind that sex is never a neat and easy as we are lead to believe.

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I’m up earlier then I planned to be.  The Magic Tournment is at one and I just heard that my husband’s best friend is going to try to meet us there.  So great now two people get to watch me get my ass kicked by strangers!  But I love my husband’s best friend so it’s actually cool.
  Yesterday was my first day to pass meds at work and the first day I was left alone with my residents for a couple of hours.  I did pretty fucking good if you ask me.  Nobody got the wrong meds, nobody got hurt, I got the house clean and everybody in bed by 9:30.
  Went to the gym earlier and worked on weight training for the chest muscles.  Now everytime my boobs bounce I want to cry.
    I’m so excited about my new job!  I can’t wait to start.  Am I sick because I like to work?  An old friend of mine Paul has new blog so stop on by and say Hi!  Okay off to answer some e-mail!

Got me to thinking.  Why is it easier to sit here and type shit out then it is just to say it in person?  My friend mentioned it’s safer and sure that’s true, but at the same time you don’t get to see a reaction or hear a tone so it’s kind of the pussy way too.  But hey I guess if you say something stupid you can also say you have to go because the cat just crawled into the oven.  So now that I think about it there is good and bad to it! :wink:

Not me of course.  I won’t even let you people see my fat face, why would I scare you to death with the rest of me!
  That’s what they said when they were showing us on the previews for next weeks Angel.  And from what they show us, it looks like it’s Spike.  I hate to sound like a horny teenager, but BRING IT ON! nough said.

Today I have to go find a birthday present for a co-worker from my residents and I for his birthday.  I’m leaning towards a shirt that says something distasteful!  A favorite saying in my family came one a button it said, “Birthdays come once a year.  Aren’t you glad your not a birthday?”  I mean if you leave something like that up to me you know you will get something interesting.  Then again being charged with sexually harrassment would suck too. LOL!

Then after that I need to do so laundry, dishes and vacuum the stupid floors.  Just to make sure that everything is ready before the weekend.  If I don’t it will be twice as shitty on Monday.

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