I got an text from my God-daughter the other day. Text are never a good sign. Especially when they say “I need to talk”. That tells me it’s probably a teenage girl thing and my ass is in trouble. I suck at the teenage girl thing, but I called her because that is what good God-mothers do.
Let’s do E=Emily and C= for clueless God-mother in conversation

E-What does it mean when you like a boy and he says to you that he wished he could find a girl as cool as me?
C- It means you’re screwed!
E-Huh?
C-It means that you have fallen into friend mode and no matter how big your boobs get you stand little chance of being anything more then a friend to this guy.
E- Why? I mean if he wants a girl like me, why not me?
C- Who are you asking? I’m like the original guy with boobs friend. I still hear almost on a daily basis I wish more girls were like you.
E- What do I do?
C-Well…If it were me…I’d put my feelings out there with this guy and see if he gets a clue. He’ll probably will give you the just friends crap. But at least you tried and eventually when you have moved on he will realize his mistake and want to slam his nuts in a drawer.
E- I don’t know if I can do that.
C- It’s a rough thing to do and when you feel one way and they feel another way it blows. You cry, eat and eventually you move on.
E-Can’t eat I’m starting to get fat…
C-Fuck you twig, don’t start that stuff either. Your not even close, don’t do that to yourself. If I hope I have taught you one thing is that no matter what the size you are somebody will always be into you. It’s just your job to pick out the right one.
E-I know, but this guy…
C-Is barely a guy. He is still a child as are you. Don’t put to much into it. And my words of wisdom for the end of this conversation are. In the future don’t wait so long before telling a guy you like them. Let them see how cool you are then say hey I’m into you, are you interested? If he is good, if not move on.
C-That and if you get pregnant I’ll kill you.
E-Awww God why do you always have to say that?
C-Because it makes you whine and it’s fun. Not to mention when that time does come you’ll be more likely to be prepared because I have informed you and heckled you!

Okay teenage girl conversation it was and I think I survived.  Not sure if I did any good.  I’ll know when my phone overflows with teenage texts one way or the other.  God I love that girl and I feel so bad for her.  I can’t tell you how much I hated “the girl like you speech.”  But it is also true those same guys do kick themselves later.  When they realize they could have been enjoying a burger and a card game with you instead of a trip to the mall with the ditz.  And later when relationships and people mature and sex enters the picture they could kill themselves when they realize someone else is banging the girl that they called friend.
And then we as those woman just sit back and smile.