Last couple of weeks I have been dealing with some issues.  Some work related, some health related and some personal shit.  One at a time it would be nothing, but when they compound they add up to stress and stomach pain.
I love my job and my guys.  For the most part I am happy there.  But there is this phrase that keeps coming up and it’s getting on my nerves.  “You don’t have the authority” or “Do you have the authority?” Depending on who I am talking with.  I do my job and sometimes I do things that others feel are not my place.  Talking to guardians, phone calls and what not.  If I’m asked I try to help. But having it thrown in my face that it isn’t my place, that I am just staff and all that shit just gets old. And working so much.  I think come July I am going to bite the bullet and deal with the loss of income and go back to 40 hours.  If I just cook at home I could be saving enough money to be OK. That and when I need a day off because I am sick I take it.  I used to work with the pain and the throwing up, but damn it I have earned the right to be off when ill.  Working 6 and 7 days a week people get worn out.  I am sorry that it inconveniences some people, but how many times has someone being sick inconvenienced me?  To the point of giving up everything to take care of my job and other peoples.

For a fat chick and I mean a really fat chick I do a damn good job of moving and shaking ( sorry couldn’t think of anything original).  But I am wearing out.  My shoulder, back and right ankle are talking to me all the time.  My stomach is in fits and there never seems to be enough sleep. So I have to figure it out as far as what to do.  I felt good while working out, except the shoulder. So I need to figure something out.

Personal shit.  Still dealing with 36 being around the corner and my telling myself that if I made it to 36 without any children I wouldn’t have any.  It is the smart move.  I know that in my head.  The money isn’t there, I work too much and when I am working I barely have the energy to take care of myself.  But things like tiny Halloween costumes, video of me with my nieces and nephews feeding and playing with them and the occasional passing comment from other people send me to tears.  The head and the heart sometimes see things very differently.

So that is the concerns and along with that there are many good things.  Watching the dog bounce around in the yard.  Renting a movie on the rare day off.  My family.  All my family the ones bound by blood and those bound by love and respect.  Driving down the road with the windows down and my hair flying free the way I wish my soul was. A really fucking great book. The song on the radio I can’t help but sing to.  The “I love yous” from family, friends and my clients. Thunderstorms with fresh smelling breezes.  Fresh flowers in the vase in the kitchen.  Fat cats all trying to curl up in my lap and purring at the same time.  These are just a few things I am thankful for everyday of my life.