Cindyisms

If you could see me right now you would be running out of the room screaming,"I’m blind! I’m Blind!  Please cover those up!” I’m at Momma’s house and it is a little more warm than I am used to.  So I am sitting here with my shirt on but the front pulled up behind my head.  So the girls are out.  Okay they are still in the bra, but still in a scary state!
Came up for a visit.  Had the day off so we came up for dinner and a visit.  Always a good time. Helped a little around the house and my husband finished cutting the lawn.  Not to much to talk about. 
Have you seen the movie P.S. I Love You?  If you haven’t then rent it.  God what a touching movie.  I cried like I was watching those hallmark commercials that kill me every Christmas!
Sad to say but that is about it.  Hope you all are well!

Last couple of weeks I have been dealing with some issues.  Some work related, some health related and some personal shit.  One at a time it would be nothing, but when they compound they add up to stress and stomach pain.
I love my job and my guys.  For the most part I am happy there.  But there is this phrase that keeps coming up and it’s getting on my nerves.  “You don’t have the authority” or “Do you have the authority?” Depending on who I am talking with.  I do my job and sometimes I do things that others feel are not my place.  Talking to guardians, phone calls and what not.  If I’m asked I try to help. But having it thrown in my face that it isn’t my place, that I am just staff and all that shit just gets old. And working so much.  I think come July I am going to bite the bullet and deal with the loss of income and go back to 40 hours.  If I just cook at home I could be saving enough money to be OK. That and when I need a day off because I am sick I take it.  I used to work with the pain and the throwing up, but damn it I have earned the right to be off when ill.  Working 6 and 7 days a week people get worn out.  I am sorry that it inconveniences some people, but how many times has someone being sick inconvenienced me?  To the point of giving up everything to take care of my job and other peoples.

For a fat chick and I mean a really fat chick I do a damn good job of moving and shaking ( sorry couldn’t think of anything original).  But I am wearing out.  My shoulder, back and right ankle are talking to me all the time.  My stomach is in fits and there never seems to be enough sleep. So I have to figure it out as far as what to do.  I felt good while working out, except the shoulder. So I need to figure something out.

Personal shit.  Still dealing with 36 being around the corner and my telling myself that if I made it to 36 without any children I wouldn’t have any.  It is the smart move.  I know that in my head.  The money isn’t there, I work too much and when I am working I barely have the energy to take care of myself.  But things like tiny Halloween costumes, video of me with my nieces and nephews feeding and playing with them and the occasional passing comment from other people send me to tears.  The head and the heart sometimes see things very differently.

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Okay you all know I think about a lot of fucked up things.  That it is in my nature to go places that most people would never admit to going to so here is my thought.  Wouldn’t it be great if our sex organs were on the tip of our fingers?! Specifically on our index finger.  Sex would be so simple.  Touch and go kind of a deal.  But you would have to be careful who you rub fingers with.  Kentucky Fried chicken would be the number fast food because it is finger lickin’ good and you know people would be taking advantage of that little bonus.  Hell dialing the phone or typing could be countless orgasms.  And one of the best parts condoms could still be used because fingers are shaped very similar to dicks and woman could protect themselves the same way men do.  Only thing I didn’t consider is where the babies would come out from.  Maybe like Spider Man’s web.  Point and splat, there’s the baby! 
What do you think?  Would finger fucking work for you!

Well my friends I am sick.  Been sick for a couple of days and it has not been fun.  But I did go to the doctor early and got my medicine so I would be well enough to come up for my Dad’s birthday.  Which is where I am right now.  When I went to the doctor my blood pressure was like 150/104. Not good.  But I hadn’t been able to take my pills and keep them down.  I am one of those people that throws up all the time when I’m sick.  So the doctor says I’m going to give you a anti-nausea shot and then you can go home to bed.  I said “Nope I gotta work” and she said, “We’ll see” So I got my shot in the right hip (ouch) and she said sit here for ten minutes and then you can go.  Ten minutes later she came back and said you can go.  By the way you have about twenty-five minutes to get home before that shot knocks you out. and she hands me a doctors note to stay home that day.
It was like a elephant on a hunt when the shot started to kick in.  I was crawling into my bed trying to give my husband last minute instructions when the world slowed down and I couldn’t make a complete sentence.  I had managed to get in the bed and started to get settled and I was out. I couldn’t believe I got bootie darted so I would sleep and stay home.  Now I know how the elephants feel when they get shot.  My big ass got so heavy and I felt so weird. But I slept about seven hours straight and when I woke up I felt better and I could keep my pills down!  Today I have a little cough and a lot of snot.  So much that last night I accidentally pulled out my nose ring and lost it somewhere in my bed and didn’t notice until today.  So the nose ring is history.  I was probably to old to have it anyway.  In couple of days I should be as close to new as a 35 year old fat chick can be.

I do.  Especially on Mother’s Day.  And what Momma wants is a new post. So here I am.  I have no clue what to write about so I’m just going to type. 
Work is work.  Nothing exciting there right now. We are still working with one man out on medical so that kind of sucks. 

My husband’s leg got better and then it got worse.  Lots of detail in between but I don’t have time to get into all that.

I got my nose pierced a couple of weeks ago.  I love it, my husband hates it and reactions from family and friends vary.

Got Momma a new plant that smells goood and then a card that has a My Pretty Pony design and it says in a small child voice.  I love you mommy, happy mothers day and then it beeps like a car horn.  It was so sickly sweet that it was tacky and my ma got a big kick out of it.  When we were younger and would do something wrong we would say, “I Love You Mommy.” hoping that would soften her up a bit.  Lets be honest I still use that ploy today!

I ran out of deodorant so I had to borrow my old man’s.  Lets just say I am not used to smelling like a pine tree and it kind of makes my want to throw up.

Oh and a special note to the SUV driver that insisted in using some of my parking space yesterday.  The red from my truck looks good on your door. I would tell you I was sorry if I had accidentally crossed over the line and fucked up your SUV, but yours was on my side so that’s on you. 

Did I say happy mother’s day to you all?  No?  Well happy mother’s day.  Hope you all have much love and goodies today.  I’m not a mother unless you count 4 cats, a dog and a bird.  But those of you lucky enough to be Mommas have my respect and awe.  Well I wish I had something else to talk about, but I am either to tired or just too boring to think of anything.

Just a quick minute to say Happy Easter to you and yours from me and my peeps.  Which include my mom, sister-in-law and old friend Anne and my niece Courtney!  We had a pretty good Easter.  I blew the diet, fuck that I made the diet explode, but tomorrow is another day on the fat loss wagon.  AND mom and I beat my oldest brother and my dad’s best friend at pinochle!  Girls RULE!!!

A over due visit and some laundry.  Yep that is right 35 and still bringing my laundry to Momma’s house.  But that’s because I work a lot and have a little washer and I don’t want to do laundry at work.
How are you all doing?  I am tired, but doing o.k.  Been a week not terrible and not great.  My husband has been off on disability due to a leg wound and his company is trying to terminate him.  Which would suck.  He is in the middle of treatments at the wound care center and you know without insurance that shit is going to be expensive.  But I am working to keep us a float, but I am so tired it is hard to keep going some days.  If I just had to work no problem but there is a home to help take care of now.  So wish me luck.

Had some disappointing news on Saturday.  I have been making bigger payments on my table and chairs so I could pay it in 90 days.  My 90 days is up next Saturday and it wouldn’t be a big deal if my husband was getting a check because it is just $68 dollars.  But there will be no check so the furniture will have to run for the full amount.  About $260 more.  So I was a bit disappointed I didn’t plan better, but hey at least I will have my furniture and my job so what does it matter if I pay a little longer.
Trying to keep positive you know, but it seems when shit seems to be working out and there is a little light at the end of the tunnel things go to hell again.  This time I am not letting it happen I don’t care if I have to work two or three jobs.  We will be fine and he will get the medical treatment he needs.  If he doesn’t he might not be able to keep that leg if it keeps getting infected.
On a brighter not did anyone see Rick Springfield on Oprah?  Oh I fell in love (lust) all over again even though he is older then dirt (ok maybe just older then dust bunnies).  Do you know that my mom took me to see Rick Springfield in concert when he was on his working class dog tour?  And she had no interest in his music.  That is motherly love.  I decided that I need to get his greatest hits.  And also Michael Bublee(sp?).  His voice makes me calm.
Still have long hair, but I put it up in a clip most of the time.  But I do look pretty cute either way.  LOL.  To be honest I never thought I would be happy with long hair again, but I am.  Makes me feel a little more feminine and even sexy.  That is until it ends up on my plate.
Well my friends I want to go hang out with my folks at bit.  I have to work this afternoon so I am short on time.  Take Care All!

They said I wasn’t signed up so I went and got my blood pressure checked and came to visit withyou at the library, It won’t be a regular thing, but I wish it were.  It helps me to sit and type.  But I am working a lot and I miss my family.  I didn’t even get off for mom’s birthday, but my husband is off work and we are waiting for his disability to start paying. Until then I am working when I can. As much as I can.  Don’t want to get buried in the debt hole again.  Other then that not too much going on.  Some stuff on my mind, but nothing I am ready to write about.  I will eventually.  But for now I just wanted to say Hi!

And here I sit clicking away on the keys.  Normally I would be in bed right now, but some stuff came up at work so I had to stay over and help.  I don’t really mind too much.  I mean we look out for each other there and take care of one another.  When we do that we care better for the guys.  I wish I could put up pictures of my guys.  They are so great.  There are days when I would like to choke the living crap out of one of them, but they are rare.  Tonight we had coffee house which is where we take our consumers out for snacks, live music and socializing.  They are with other consumers and their staff and most seem to have a great time.  Two of my guys love to go and so we go almost every week.  They chat, eat, shake hands and dance the night away.  As staff I pretty much sit back and watch, but on occasion one of my guys will ask me to dance so I do.  There are some remarkable people there.  Some consumers from other homes in our company go pretty regularly and they are a treat to watch.  There is one staff that goes there whose consumer is in a wheel chair.  This woman grabs the wheel chair and like pops a wheelie and dances with him in the chair.  And the consumer gets such joy from it. What a cool lady.

When I tell people I do direct care the normal response is, “Oh. I could never do that.” And I use to say sure you could and tell them why they could.  Now I said maybe you could, maybe you couldn’t.  Not everyone is cut out for it.  I’m proud to say I am.  I think most days I am prouder about what I do now then I have ever been at a job.  It wasn’t my goal to be 35 and a direct care worker, but it was my goal to be 35 and making a difference in someone’s life.  Okay so I don’t teach 90 kids a day anymore, big deal.  I have three remarkable men that depend on me each and everyday.  What could be more important?

Look Mom day two.  I maybe… wait do I say it… be on track?  Naw because something will happen that will draw my attention else where so I am just going to enjoy the moment.
Okay I want an MP3 player and I want one the you can select the song that you want and holds lots of songs that I can put in by mood.  Example: Strong woman day would include Independance Day, I will Survive and Big Girls Don’t Cry.  Sing out loud would have: Jessie’s Girl, Fat Bottom Girls and almost all Bob Seger songs.  Being a chick day: Your So Vain, I Can’t Make You Love Me, Don’t Take the Girl.  So if anyone has any suggestions about MP3 players or songs that I should have a listen to speak up!  My songs.  Songs that I love and would never be without would be 1) Knights In White Satin, 2) Reason, 3)Don’t Stand and 4) Fancy.  What are your songs?